


Lost but We Will Meet Again

by nerdqueenenterprise



Series: Star Trek Tumblr Prompts [2]
Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Established Spirk - Freeform, M/M, Space Battles, Spock-centric, angst / emotional pain, i fix it though don't worry, minor Captain Amott, minor Captain/Admiral Pike, minor OCs - Freeform, poor spocko like seriously, universe altered after the turbolift scene in ID ("not captain. first officer")
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 05:45:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12052560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdqueenenterprise/pseuds/nerdqueenenterprise
Summary: It's Spock who is to blame - he wrote the truthful report that ended in Jim losing his captaincy and Spock being reassigned.





	1. Lost

**Author's Note:**

> prompted by [vulcankirkspock](http://www.vulcankirkspock.tumblr.com) on tumblr, chapter two prompted by anon
> 
> UPDATE: so i got ART?????? FOR THIS????????? I'M?????? bless [Aaliya](http://www.wordssometmesfail.tumblr.com). i'll love you forever <3

(by the lovely [@wordssometimesfail](http://www.wordssometimesfail.tumblr.com))

 

 

 

 

     "Not captain, Spock. First Officer." Jim's expression is unreadable as he says it, and then they're already stepping out of the turbolift and Spock's got his reassignment faster than he can think. He's still stuck on 'not captain. first officer'. And he's going to be taken off the _Enterprise_ , instead second in command aboard the _USS Bradbury_ under Captain Amott.

There isn't enough time for a goodbye of any kind before the Enterprise leaves orbit after the devastating attack on the meeting. Three senior officers killed. Spock's entire world has been upended, and he feels -

 

He feels like he doesn't belong again, like this isn't what he is supposed to do, not where he's supposed to be. His quarters aboard the _Bradbury_ look more or less precisely like the ones he occupied aboard the _Enterprise_ , and his personal effects have been boxed up and moved, too. Starfleet works fast. But it's not the _Enterprise_.

The _Bradbury_ is scheduled to patrol the border to the Klingon empire while the _Enterprise_ is -

 **ACCESS DENIED.** blinks on the screen. Spock doesn't know what the _Enterprise_ is doing.

It adds to the queasy feeling in his stomach. He shouldn't waste time with feelings and the toxic mixture of regret and anger directed at himself; he should organize, unpack, begin his reports. For some reason, Captain Amott didn't put him on alpha shift; instead, he's commanding officer for beta shift, and there are a good few hours until then (6 and 34 minutes, his inner clock tells him).

He has never felt more jarred. In the few years he has now spent on the _Enterprise_ , she had begun to ... mean something to him. The crew had begun to mean something to him, other than merely being coworkers and subordinates. And - and Jim. Jim means - meant? - so much.

 _Jim is gone._ The realization thunders through Spock. Jim is gone. Jim is on another ship. Or rather, it is Spock who's gone. Who is not going to come back, because once Jim ascends to captain again, he'll have to choose a first officer from among the _Enterprise_ , most likely. Of course there are a lot of highly capable people serving aboard the _Enterprise_ , but... Spock is not going to come back.

 

He manages to unpack eventually. Civilian clothes, decorative artefacts from Vulcan, private PADDs with books and holomovies and holopictures - of his mother. Of Jim.

Spock sits down heavily on his bed. Jim.

There are several pictures of him and Jim - when they visited Jim's hometown during a shore leave. A candid that Dr McCoy caught where Jim is laughing and Spock is almost smiling. Another one, courtesy of Lieutenant Uhura that shows both him and Jim sleeping after a rather stressful mission, almost lying on top of each other.

Spock puts them in the bottom bedside drawer, behind his carefully folded socks. He can't bear having them around yet. The full realization is just beginning to happen. He won't see Jim again, not for a long, long time.

And Jim was angry with him. Of course Jim was angry - it had been Spock who jeopardized their relationship, his position!

He denies the tears that threaten to overwhelm him. There has to be a way to fix this. There has to be. He can't live without Jim.

 

It is alienating to step on a bridge that is so extremely similar to the _Enterprise_ 's. He is met with stares and a few hushed whispers that he cannot make out, eerily similar to his youth. Is it because he is early? Maybe he forgot his uniform? Maybe his hair is in disarray?

Captain Amott turns around in the chair, nodding.

    "Commander Spock." He has an unpleasant voice, Spock finds. But then again, maybe he just got too used to the bright timbre of Jim's voice, welcoming him to the bridge with a smile and sparkling eyes.

    "Captain," he answers, moving to stand next to him.

    "Commander, you have the conn. Report to my quarters after your shift, we need to talk," the man says, heaving himself out of the chair. "Shift change!" he barks, entirely too loud too close to Spock's ears. He suppresses a flinch.

    'This isn't what I want,' Jim had said once, when they were stuck on the eight milk run in a row, and he'd sounded so upset and sad and angry, like a caged bird. At the time Spock had not quite understood what the Human meant, but now ...

He takes care to greet everyone by name and introduce himself. The _Bradbury_ has even more human officers than the _Enterprise_. There are rumors that attribute that to Captain Amott's influence and personal wishes. He hopes not. A xenophobic captain often has a xenophobic crew, and beginning anew here will already be difficult enough as it is.

 

As predicted, Amott greets him with little more than a cursory nod. He does not offer Spock a chair, either.

    "From what I hear, you oversaw a good portion of the Organic Labs on your old ship. You'll be doing the same here, even though there won't be too much to do there, we're not a science vessel after all. I'm going to put you in charge of crew maintenance as well. Questions?"

Spock needs a moment to process what the captain ( _his_ captain) just said before he shakes his  head.

    "None, sir."

    "Good. Dismissed."

 _Is that what all other Starfleet Captains are like?_ Spock wonders. Maybe both Pike and Jim were just different? But no. Admiral Komack for example had been decidedly positive towards Spock, just as much as Captain Lorenzo and a few others. So perhaps it was just Amott.

And yet. Ship assignments generally last at least three years, usually longer the higher up you are in rank. Spock doesn't see himself off the _Bradbury_ for a long time. Of course, he could be offered captaincy, but he doesn't want it. He would greatly prefer to be Jim's first officer for the entirerity of his career as an assigned officer.

 

Meditation does not come easy to him tonight, but he finds that he needs to center himself, somehow. Amott will expect the best out of him, and he will need to be as collected as he can be to manage the extra work of crew maintenance. That is usually a task divided between captain, first officer, CMO (for the health aspect) as well as the quartermaster and the individual heads of the different departments. Spock can only assume Amott does not want to do the work himself, because crew maintenance is a huge amount of work. Maybe it's unfair to think like that, but the illogical, human part of Spock wants to blame someone, someone other than himself.

He methodically unrolls his meditation mat and changes into the appropriate robe. Jim loved watching him mediate, even going so far as attempting to join him, even though he quickly lost interest. It makes meditation without him feel empty, like the world is too big. Something about Jim generally filled any room he was in with his presence.

Predictably, his jumbled thoughts circulate around Jim. His eyes, his laugh, his smell, the way his face would scrunch up when he was being naughty, as he called it. His inability to wink.

Spock returns to the last time he saw Jim smile at him. They woke up together, Jim for once awake before Spock was, watching him almost bemusedly.

    "You talk in your sleep," was the first thing the Human said. Spock had wanted to deny it, but Jim was smiling widely and so he kissed the Human instead.

They had gone through their regular morning routine and made their way to the central laboratories building at Starfleet Headquarters, where Spock would spend two hours discussing recent findings about the cellular structure of Begadon Moonsnails. Afterwards, they would be debriefed about their last mission by Admiral Pike.

 

_Jim bounces on his toes._

_"Hey, I bet they'll finally have found out how the snails make their venom! Why else would they ask you to have a chat with them?"_

_"As pleasant as your praise of my expertise is, I sincerely doubt there were any major breakthroughs, ashayam. Otherwise, I am sure I would have been notified thusly."_

_Jim waves dismissively. "Oh, come on! It's been what, ten years now? They're bound to have a breakthrough any second."_

_Spock smiles indulgently at his excitable lover._

_"If you say so."_

_"I do say so!" Jim throws him a brilliant smile. "Hey, I'll pick you back up for the debrief?"_

_"I would appreciate it."_

_Jim hugs him then, enveloping Spock's body as much as possible. "I'll miss you. Yes, it's only two hours, I /know/, but normally I join you in the labs to at least stare at some cool science."_

_Spock smiles into Jim's shoulder. "I will miss you too, then."_

 

He hopes Jim still misses him. Will continue to miss him. It's selfish to hope Jim will not find love and happiness with another person, especially since it was Spock's mistake that tore them apart, but the feeling stays, churning in his gut and settling there. Jim is his.

Tomorrow he will start looking into transfer options to the _Enterprise_.


	2. Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fixed it :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's an instance of me ignoring physics in space here, but i really wanted that crash to happen, so i'll ignore newton's laws for the time being

They feel the next hit reverberating in their bones even after the ship stopped shaking. The  _ Bradbury _ had not been made for this kind of heavy firefight.

Spock picks himself back up, and immediately crosses over to their communications officer, who is holding their head.

    “Nurse!” he snaps at the attending nurse, and she makes her way over to them, carefully sidestepping the debris from the half caved in ceiling. 

    “Lieutenant Peterson! Return fire at will!” Spock orders next and punches in the channel to Engineering. “Mitchell, what can you do for the shields?”

    “Barso here, commander. Mitchell is dead!”

    “Then you have just inherited his position as Chief Engineer,” Spock retorts, oddly calm. It’s reminiscent of a different battle, years and lightyears away, but this time he does not get a sarcastic reply. Instead, it’s “Yes sir!” and “Shields are in a bad shape, but I might be able to jury-rig something.”

    “Then get to it, lieutenant.”

The Romulan battle cruiser sweeps back into the focus of the viewscreen.

    “Salar! Evasive action, now!” 

The navigator complies, but she’s too slow. The next salve hits the  _ Bradbury  _ like … ‘like a wall across the highway at 150 miles per hour’. A comparison Jim had enjoyed to employ. Jim, whose tactical genius far surpassed Spock’s. Jim, who should be the one in charge during situations like this.

    “What did I say about returning fire?!” Spock barks, maybe a bit too harshly. Peterson flinches.

    “I’m doing my best, sir, but they surprised me!”

    “Make sure that doesn’t happen again, or it will be the last time any of us will be surprised!”

_ Where is Captain Amott? _ Spock wonders. From the corner of his eye he sees Lieutenant Beverley slip into the communication officer’s chair, replacing the injured one.

    “Beverley. Priority One distress call to Starfleet and all available ships, now! Salar, begin Tewe maneuver, it might buy us some time.”

Engineering is contacting. 

    “Barso.”

    “Sir, I think I managed to put the shields up again, but after the next hit they’ll be forced to draw power directly from the Core.”

    “Shields are up,” Peterson confirms. 

    “Barso, retaining power to the shields and phaser banks. That is your top priority now. We cannot outrun them. Acknowledge.”

Barso’s response is drowned out by the crackling static of another hit to their shields.

    “Beverley, do you have a reply yet?”

    “None, sir - wait! There’s - Come in,  _ Enterprise _ ! This is the  _ USS Bradbury _ , requesting urgent assistance in a heavy firefight with the Romulan Empire.”

The  _ Enterprise _ . If Spock were prone to emotional responses or metaphors, he would say that his heart jumped into his throat.

    “On screen, lieutenant. Salar, continue evasive maneuvers. Peterson, continue firing.”

The cracked viewscreen produces a grossly distorted picture of Captain Pike.

_ “Comman _ drrk _ Spock! How  _ crzzht  _ is it?” _

    “We have almost completely lost functionality in both nacelles, hull integrity is down to thirty-three percent. We are rapidly losing power to the shields.”

Pike swears colorfully.  _ “We’re maybe ten minutes out. Can you hold position?” _

Another blast shakes the ship and eight different alerts flare up.

_ Hull integrity at less than thirty percent.  _

_ Primary communications array compromised. _

_ Phaser bank three offline. _

_ Bridge viewscreen damaged. _

_ Hull breaches detected. Beginning defensive maneuvers. _

Pike’s image fizzles out and fades.

    “We won’t make ten minutes,” Peterson says, voice trembling. 

    “That is your assumption,” Spock replies. He hadn’t feared death in the volcano on his last mission with the  _ Enterprise _ , but now …

    “Sound the alert to abandon ship. Lieutenant Beverley, begin a deep space transmission containing all data recorded by the Bradbury, including information on the battle.”

Spock sits down in the chair and opens the shipwide channel.

    “Attention all hands. Abandon ship. I repeat, abandon ship. The USS  _ Enterprise _ is closing in and will receive you. Spock out.”

Addressing the bridge crew, he says: “We will attempt to draw their attention away from the fleeing shuttles so they can have a chance at survival.”

There are nods all around, shoulders straighten and people taking deep breaths. 

The next salve loosens a beam from the ceiling, crashing right next to the captain’s chair. Spock suppresses a flinch. Sparks from ripped out wires bounce off his unflammable uniform. He feels cold.

    “Computer, stop all alerts. Voice authorization Spock-beta-eight-eight-three.”

_ Acknowledged. _

The bridge is eerily silent.

The Romulan ship rounds into the viewscreen again, phaser ports visibly glowing because of how close they are. The next round of hits will be the last; the  _ Bradbury _ will not be able to withstand them. If they are lucky, the hull around the bridge will crack, giving them the merciful quick death of vacuum and subfreezing temperatures.

    “It has been an honor serving with you,” Spock says, loud enough for everyone on the bridge to hear. It has been. Even though it took him time and effort, in the five months he spent on the  _ Bradbury _ , her main bridge crew and several other officers have come to … respect him, and he is thankful for that. Of course they could not replace the  _ Enterprise _ and her crew, but it had been Spock’s mistake that took him off the ship.

Then, two things happen in such quick succession that they almost seem simultaneous. Their viewscreen is filled with a bright grey expanse, and then the impact thunders through the  _ Bradbury _ , knocking the bridge crew off their seats, tritanium walls screeching like demons from Hell.

Miraculously, the bridge doesn’t breach. The viewscreen has gone entirely black however, and they have no idea what’s going on outside.

    “Commander Spock!” Lieutenant Beverley exclaims. “The  _ Enterprise _ is hailing us!”

    “Speakers,” Spock orders.

_ “ _ Bradbury _? Come in,  _ Bradbury _. This is the  _ Enterprise _.” _

    “ _ Bradbury _ here, come in,  _ Enterprise _ .”

_ “ _ Bradbury _ ,”  _ Pike’s voice crackles over the comm line.  _ “The Romulan vessel has fled. We are preparing to receive your shuttles. Bridge crew, stay put. We’ll tow you back to the nearest station and try to free you in an artificial atmosphere there, our transporters have been … unreliable at best.” _

    “Captain Pike. It is a relief to hear your voice,” Spock admits.

_ “Yours too, commander. How’s the remaining crew? Any major injuries?” _

    “None, sir.”

_ “Good. Stand by for further communications.  _ Enterprise _ out.” _

 

None of the bridge crew have been injured worse than a few scratches, burns and bruises, so the medical bay at the station lets them go pretty quickly.

    “Well, you seem all patched up, Commander Spock,” his attending doctor says. “Captain Pike wants to talk to you, he’s in briefing room 45.”

Spock nods. “Thank you.”

 

Pike looks far worse for wear, hair in disarray and dark bags under his eyes, seeming years older than when Spock saw him for the last time.

    “Sit down,” he says, gesturing at a chair.

Spock complies.

    “I’m going to make this quick because it’s been a long couple weeks. The  _ Bradbury _ can be rebuilt, yes, but she’ll be in limbo for a while. Captain Amott has been found, relatively unhurt in the wreckage, and he’ll be on trial for gross neglectment of duties and so forth, I think you’ll have to testify. Now, normally that’d mean you’d wait on your assigned ship while she’s rebuilt, but that would be one hell of a setback for your career. She doesn’t deserve you and never has. I’ve convinced Command to give Kirk his captaincy back though - because he deserves it and because my health doesn’t allow me to be the captain the  _ Enterprise  _ needs. Means: she’ll need a first officer. The post is yours, if you want it.”

Spock can only stare. He can go back to the  _ Enterprise _ ? To Jim?

    “Don’t give me that look, say yes already so I can mark it down. Jim has been sad for the entire mission, even more so because because of its top secret nature he couldn’t contact you. He doesn’t blame you for losing command, by the way, but he missed you like crazy. Now are you going to sign up or do I have to force you?”

A smile forces its way onto Spock’s lips. He’s going back to the  _ Enterprise _ ! And he’ll be with Jim again!

    “I will sign. Thank you, sir.”

    “Yeah, don’t mention it. I’m gonna be happy with my boyfriend on Earth and you’ll be happy with your boyfriend in space. Jim should be on level E, corridor 6, room C30, I think. Go and hug it out.”

    “I will. Thank you again.”

Pike motions towards the door with his chin. “Out with you before I fall asleep.”

 

Giddiness is bubbling in Spock’s gut. Jim! He will see Jim again! Jim is not angry! Jim and his beautiful, lovely blue eyes, bright smile and golden hair and-

A pair of strong arms wrap around Spock’s middle and there’s an excited giggle in his ear, a pitch too loud to be really comfortable.

    “Spock! You’re here! You’ll be back on the  _ Enterprise _ ! You’re coming home!”

Spock disentangles himself to turn around and hug Jim properly, so hard he almost fears crushing him. Jim smells of burned plasteel, singed uniform and whiff of standard Starfleet shampoo, and he’s warm and solid against Spock.

    “Yes. Yes, Jim, I am.”

Home. Yes, he is coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! please leave a comment if you enjoyed it.  
> come visit me on [my tumblr](http://www.nerdqueenenterprise.tumblr.com)! maybe shoot me a prompt?


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